The Office at Pooh Corner

06/24/2011 14:34

I have an embarrassing problem, and I don't know what I'm going to do. I work in an office building with a lot of my close friends. Yesterday when I was working at my desk, my stomach started to bother me, and then I got a sudden urge to go to the bathroom. So I left my office and started towards the bathroom which is at the end of the building. When I got there I was told that the bathroom on my floor was out of order and I had to go to one on another floor. So I headed for the elevator, and now the urge was getting stronger. As I waited for the elevator to come, I had my legs crossed tightly. When the elevator doors finally opened, there two other girls who are my close friends were on it, but I was afraid to start walking. I remember my friends saying, "hi Linda, are you going up or down." I just stood there like a fool with my legs crossed, and I didn't answer them. And then one of my friends got off the elevator and asked me if I was ok. As she spoke to me, I started pooping in my pants. It all happened so fast, and I couldn't believe it was happening. I felt my panties fill up and the back of my dress pants bulge and sag. I was mortified. I told my friends that I didn't feel good, and that I just wanted to be left alone. But they kept talking to me, to find out what was wrong, and then one of them held her nose and said "Oh my goodness, what's that smell." And then my other friend asked me if I had an accident in my pants. I was so humiliated that I couldn't even answer her. I just walked to the stairs and walked down four floors of stairs, out to my car and drove home. I ruined my car seats and my dress pants. But worst of all, when I got home and showered and got cleaned up, there was a lot of messages on my answering machine from a lot of my work mates, and a number of text messages, all of them telling me not to worry about it. Things like that happen. Some of them even said that its happened to them before. I know they're all trying to be nice, but I am so embarrassed, I don't know if I can ever go back to work and face them again. I don't know what to do, and I am very upset. – Linda

 What Mary Says...  What Crystal Says...

Dear Linda,

OMG. Two things:

I just walked to the stairs and walked down four floors of stairs, out to my car and drove home.

And

There were a lot of messages on my answering machine from a lot of my work mates, and a number of text messages, all of them telling me not to worry about it.

First, that you just WALKED out of work without looking back and THEN you had to have a ‘lot’ of work mates calling you and texting you about the incident. LOL!!!!! I mean, I would’ve possibly left a note and crawled off to the woods to live like an animal if this ever happened to me. Thankfully, I don’t know what a #2 is like.  

Thanks for the great laugh on a Friday afternoon! I think you should be a guest columnist sometime.                       

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Linda:

My lord. That sure is…wow.

Dude. There’s no way I’m gonna be able to make your situation not sound crappy (excuse the pun). Let’s face it, I would be just as mortified as you. But here’s the deal – even IF you never went back to work, these are your close friends right? I mean, you can’t just…never see them again.

Look, I get that this is a terrible state of affairs. But you can’t give up both your friends and your job over this. If you worked in an office where you had no strong ties and you could easily get a new gig elsewhere, I’d say get outta dodge or you’ll forever be known as “the girl who shat her pants.” But these are your friends, and you’re not gonna be able to ditch them (nor should you) over some embarrassing BS. All great friends have THE best dirt on each other, and this will one day be THE best story you guys retell over cocktails at somebody’s bachelorette party. However, until then, you’re just gonna have to buck up little camper. I’m sorry – but that really is all you can do. And eventually, one day, the humiliation will be replaced by humor. I promise. 

 

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