The Grass is Always...Brown

06/22/2010 13:32

I have been friends with a co-worker at my job for the past year, and I messed around and ended up falling for her. My problem is she's married and I know I shouldn't have those feelings to begin with. She asked me how I felt and she told me to be honest about it. She previously told me there would be nothing going on between us and I knew that but the way she responded I felt was harsh and I felt like since we are friends she could have been honest but more considerate of my feelings - after all she's the one that asked. -- niceguy1 

 What Mary Says...  What Crystal Says...

 Dear Nice Guy:

You can’t help to whom you’re attracted and with whom you fall in love. You can, however, help yourself from revealing those feelings, particularly if you feel it’s not an ideal situation (as in her being married). Maybe you were hoping she’d break off her marriage if you told her how you really feel, but things aren’t always that simple.

If I were to wager a guess, and I’m usually not a betting woman, I’d say she acted a bit coldly so as to hide her true feelings. She also may be in love with you but what good would it do for her to admit that? It would only hurt you both.

You’re going to have to try to get over her, unless you think that there may be a shot the two of you would end up a happy couple.                            














Dear Nice Guy:

Let me get this straight. You fell for a married woman, and then got mad because she didn’t let you down easier?


Since you didn’t ask a question, I’m going to have to assume your question is, “do I have a right to be mad.” And to that, I have to say, no. Why? Because she has no obligation to you. Friend or not, she has a different level of consciousness she’s accountable for. Why did she do it? Maybe you came on too strong and being harsh was the last resort. Or if you two did get it on (which I can’t tell from your email), maybe she regrets it. Maybe she was in a rough patch with her man and now realizes she owes it to him to keep it together? Whatever it is, husband trumps friend in this case, and her ultimate responsibility is to ensure her relationship is where she needs it to be. And if that means pissing you off, so be it. If you were married, wouldn’t you want YOUR wife to put the brakes on, hard or not, some guy saddling up on her?

If you want to save yourself the headache, next time I recommend you avoid gals that are already hitched. Because at the end of the day, a woman cheating on her husband is caught in a problem layered by a multitude of elements of which you my dear are only a small part. And if you really are a nice guy, you need to be with a woman who can devote herself to you. Not one that just fits you in. 





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