Sophmore Sorrows

06/09/2009 16:01

I am sixteen years old and I am a sophomore. I used to date this guy - we were never boyfriend and girlfriend but we were definitely dating. He is a senior, he's 2nd in his class president of national honors society and school president. He got into Georgetown, but then decided to go to UNC on a full ride. Which is about an hour from where we live. He broke it off with me after about a month, because he told me he didn't want a girlfriend at the time. There have been no other girls since me for him. This was from the beginning of January to the end of January. I had other casual relationships, but nothing serious at all. I was over him. I really was, like completely. But always kinda in the back of my mind still liked him, but nothing serious. Lately, I've liked him so much. I saw him in the halls and we say hi and stuff. On the last day of school for him [since he's a senior he got to leave before me]. I left him a note and stuck it through his sun roof saying, I know he'll do amazing things in life and thank you for everything. I’ve told him things I’ve never told anyone because i felt comfortable with him] he responded with a text right when he got the note that said "Thanks so much for the note! It means a lot. I seriously meant everything I wrote in that long Facebook message. Bye Isabella.” The message basically said that he will always be here for me no matter what. and he thinks I’m a great person. Then I told him, not to say goodbye, but say see you later, because you never know when our paths will cross again. Ever since that, I can’t stop thinking about him. It's so horrible. I want to tell him SO BAD how i feel, but i feel like it's too late since he's going to college soon and traveling the world all summer. But I can’t stop thinking about telling him, and when I'm about to text him or Facebook message him i stop. I went to his graduation two nights ago and he did a speech, and it made me want to tell him even more. this is driving me CRAZY . I can’t believe I'm even doing this advice thing because usually I'm a very independent person.

Please don’t sugar coat anything, I just need real advice! Thanks so much! 

 What Mary Says...  What Crystal Says...

Dear Sweet 16: 

Kudos to this guy for telling you that he didn’t want a girlfriend. This either means that he really doesn’t want one right now because he’s looking to play the field once he gets out of town and on that train to Europe or … he’s not that into you.

I think you’re obsessing because you’ve probably romanticized your relationship so much in your head that you feel like it would be perfect if you did get together (again). I understand that you want to tell him how you feel - there’s nothing wrong with that - but … he did say he didn’t want a girlfriend. I don’t want you to have a broken heart if he refuses you. And, really, with him going away all summer and then off to college you don’t want to be that girl pining away for a boy all summer, do you? Because you know you would be. This is the time of your life. Time to get out there and go on some dates and hang with your girlfriends.

 If I were you I’d keep this on a casual friendship level.              


















Dear Sweet 16:

There’s no chance he’s unaware of how you feel, trust me. We women, especially in adolescence, are like lighthouse beacons when we’re in love (or even just strong like). As much as we may try to hide it, our affection shines out into the darkness like the bright afternoon sun. So the real question becomes, if he knows how you feel, why isn’t he responding?

My first thought was he’s trying to free himself up for college. For a lot of guys, going away to college is like getting invited to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit photo shoot. There’s this mystique about the women there – a feeling that they are different and, therefore, more alluring. Boys tend to treat their first years at college like they’re sitting on set – determined to talk to (and inevitably hook up with) as many women as possible. So, being single is key.

However, the January break-up makes me think differently. Teenage men tend to be driven (at least in some part) by lust. So, why break it off with a girl who you can spend 4 more months canoodling with before you need to? We say it a lot at The Speak Easy, but if a guy digs you, he’ll do anything to be with you, college or not. His ending the relationship indicates he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings but he’s not interested in dating you. At least not now.

So take that fabulous independence you have, go out, and continue to enjoy your life! If he comes back after testing the waters at UNC, then you can decide whether or not you want him back. For now, just remember that you get this great gift of being in control of your life, your love, and your happiness. Don’t let some boy, no matter how fabulous he may be, ruin that for you.   







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