Smotherly Love

09/15/2009 13:49

I always face the same problem with my older brother. We are kind of close and we share a lot of things - good and bad. But last year he went and met this girl and he fell in love with her! I’m kind of jealous because first, I don’t have a girlfriend to cuddle with and second, I know my brother’s attention is not toward me anymore. He kept messaging with her 24/7 and no time for me at all. Personally, I don’t even believe in love.

A few months later, the girl dumped him. He was devastated and yet there I was, next to him and consoling him when he kept thinking about why the girl dumped him. Now that he is single, I get my brother back.

But things haven’t gone as smoothly as I thought. He kept searching for a new girl in his life and though he didn’t mention it to me and even denied it to me when I asked… but I knew my brother well. He still searches for the right girl.

Last weekend, I was kind of moody and I don’t even know why. Mood swing I guess. I didn’t talk to my brother at all. He noticed that I didn’t talk to him and I kind of sensed that he want to talk to me but I kept ignoring him. I thought by ignoring him, I could get back his attention but I was wrong. Turns out that I’m the one who needs him the most. I can’t live without my brother to guide me and show me what to do next. Not talking to him doesn’t make him suffer at all. I’m the one who suffers. Strange isn’t it? The thing is, my father left me when I was two. I left without a man to tell me what to do.
Today, I talked to him and I was shocked because he ignored me. I didn’t apologize yet because I used to apologize too much and I think he gets bored always having a little brother like me. I felt embarrassed to say how I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to him. Now what am I supposed to do?
My brother doesn’t want to talk to me and I don’t want that at all...I want my brother back.
How do I put the relationship back as it used to be... help me please…--Nick

 What Mary Says...  What Crystal Says...

Dear Nick:
I am hoping that you are about eight years old because it would explain a lot to me: your mood swings, your clingy behavior, your pouting when things don't go your way.

Your brother has a right to be happy - wouldn't you want him to be happy for you if you met someone? And then be sad for you when you got dumped? Instead of the other way around, that is.

You'll always have your brother. No one can take him away from you.

It'd probably do you good to go out for a coffee and openly talk to him about things. Maybe leave out the "I can't live without you" part because it can be construed as kind of ... creepy.                                 

















Dear Nick:

It’s one thing to depend on someone; it’s another to be dependent on them. It’s like, sure I love French fries. And if I go to a restaurant and they don’t have fries, I’m bitter. But I’m still able to choose something off of the menu…I don’t starve. And it sounds like for you, without your brother, man, you’se gonna DIE.

I hate to say it, but bottom line is you’re being selfish. I know you love your brother and you depend on him immensely, but did you ever take a minute to consider HIS needs? Perhaps he needs someone in his life, just like you need him in yours. By treating him like crap just because he had the audacity to try to be happy (note I’m being sarcastic here), you’re only alienating yourself from the one person you want to be around. After all, would YOU want to be around someone who didn’t want you to be happy? I doubt it. And if so, you might consider looking into therapy and a Webster’s definition of masochism.

You see, love means being unselfish. And as Desmond Tutu so wisely stated: “You don't choose your family.  They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.” So go be God’s gift to your brother by supporting and loving him UNCONDITIONALLY, despite your own issues. And if you love him enough, as a brother should, with only simple and honest regard for his best interest and not yours, you may find that in time, he will do the same for you.






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