She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

06/24/2009 11:23

I could use some advice. Well, here goes: For the part three years or so, I've been in love with the girl who's been my best friend for more than six years now. The thing is, I'm really afraid to let her know how I feel. I really care about her alot, and I'm afraid that if she doesn't feel the same, she'll be creeped out or think it's too weird to stay friends, and I'd really hate to lose my best, and really only, friend. She told me she's gonna come down to my town to visit me and some other friends this summer (she moved after middle school, which makes things even worse), though she's yet to come down so far. I'm really excited to see her, but also kind of nervous cause I'm afraid to tell her, and a bit sad because if I don't we'll only be hanging out as friends. I really love her, but I'm really scared of losing her altogether. I don't know what to say even if I decide to tell her. PLEASE HELP!! -- A Twitter Friend


 What Mary Says...  What Crystal Says...

Dear Twitter Friend:

Have you not seen her since middle school when she moved away?

Are there any signs that she might feel the same? Does she say she misses you, can’t wait to see you, maybe texts you or IMs you throughout the day to see how you are? If she doesn’t feel the same way then your worst fears may come true: she’d feel a little weird around you for a while.

It’s also possible if you’re only IMing or texting that you’ve built up this whole notion of a romantic relationship in your head. We tend to be a little more open when we’re ‘anonymous’ over IM or texts and without the knowledge of emotion we can read into things that are or aren’t there. You may see her again after some time and realize she’s not the woman for you.

I’d wait for some signs from her when you see her. If she’s giving you the go-ahead then I’d say you could tell her that you’d love to take the friendship a bit further, but move ahead slowly. When a woman’s really not into someone the news could make her recede faster than a vampire into darkness. However, if she does feel the same toward you this could be start of something fabulous.                        































Dear Twitter Friend:

I really, really hate to say this, but if I were you I’d play it cool. It’s true, women do hate that crap; Sitting by the phone and waiting for a guy to ring us up is simply insulting. However, there’s also this…inexplicable trait in women that isn’t all that fond of having a guy throw themselves at us. It’s weird, we want the romance and undying love, but only when we want it. If a guy gives his heart up too early, we bolt like a wild horse.

You might be thinking, “You don’t know my situation. She and I are super duper awesome close.” To that, I can only say I’ve been there. I had really great, bestest guy friend who I found out years later wanted to date me. Because I didn’t see him “that way,” it always felt a little…”off” when we hung out after the big reveal, and there were definitely moments where I would avoid hanging out because I didn’t want to have to worry about whether or not he was going to tell me he loved me…again, or try to kiss me.

So my dear, when she gets in to town let her know you want to see her, but don’t call her up every minute to see if she’s free. When you do hang out, try to get a feel for the situation rather than just letting your heart bleed all over the place. I know it seems unlikely to you, but trust me, being apart for even a few months can change a person from what you remember them to be. Even if they seem normal on the phone or email, hanging out face to face might be surprisingly uncomfortable. It’s entirely possible your love has idealized her in your mind, tainted reality. And just like people idealize the concept of hooking up with a vampire when everyone knows you’d just end up one big bloody lunch mess, your BFF might end up not at all like how you expect. 

Of course, if it all ends up being really awesome and she really is super fab, then start looking for the tell-tale signs of a woman in love. Does she touch you a lot? Does she want to hang out “just you and her?” Does she constantly remark about “how cool” you are and she misses you? Because when a woman digs you, you’ll know it. We’re not all that fabulous at hiding it. So if you’re getting strong signals, I say go in for the talk. But if she’s cold, elects to have other friends around every time you two are together, or talks a lot about other guys she finds hot, you might as well pack this one in as a lost cause, for now anyway.

And remember, if she’s not into you now, it doesn’t mean she won’t ever be. A good, strong friendship between a man and a woman often blossoms, later in life, into something more. Because what we look for when we’re young is not always what we look for when we get older. And sometimes, we find out that the emotional support we’ve leaned on for so many years has become the lifelong support we secretly desire.              


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