Rage Against The Regime

09/27/2010 16:10

I'm having trouble forgiving someone who wronged me because the situation was completely their fault and they’re not sorry. Last year I had a class with this girl Laura, and there was a leadership position me and Laura both wanted. I came to class everyday and prepared for it; she was absent all the time and did work in the class and wasn’t even interested. She was so irresponsible that the teacher even said she would never give Laura the position. When it came time for elections, Laura’s best friend Stacy who currently held the position gave it to Laura, and the teacher and Laura’s best friends approved because they said she was more "qualified" even though she didn't come to class. I’ve already graduated, but for my own sake, I can't forgive Laura, the teacher, and her friends for doing something I think is totally unfair. A couple of students in the class even came up to me afterwards and told me they think I should have gotten it. I really just want to punch these people in the face. How can I get over this nonsense? -- Jane 

 What Mary Says...  What Crystal Says...

Dear Jane:

You know how people say, “Life isn’t fair?” Well, it’s because it isn’t. I hate to use that old hackneyed adage, but it sums up your issue. You worked hard, you put in the time, you showed up. Laura got the position because of who she knows. I can’t tell you how often this sort of bullshit happened/happens to me.

I can’t tell you how to get over the nonsense. (I still harbor resentment from 20 years ago when my friend got a real Cabbage Patch doll and I got a counterfeit one.) However, I’m going to tell you something you can do for your own sanity, to ensure your heart doesn’t grow as small and black as Laura’s and the teacher’s and whatever other creepy people they hang with: forgive, but don’t forget. Forgive them and hold your head high but always remember the treachery they put you through. I guarantee you there will be a time later in your life -and it might be 30 years from now - that one of them will ask for your help. That’s when you put on a gracious smile and assure them, “Of course! I will help you.” Then do just the opposite; secretly sabotage them. That, my dear, is what’s known as sweet revenge. And you know how they say ‘revenge is a dish best served cold’? Because that’s when it tastes the best.

                                       

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

                  

      

 

                             

  

 

    

                    

      

Dear Jane:

This sounds like a matter of pride, and it appears overlooking you for the position has damaged yours. In the olden days you could have challenged the twit to a duel, Prise de Fer’d her ass, and been given the satisfaction of vengeance. This physical act of justice…the old eye for an eye concept…was, in my humble opinion, a good method for pushing people into thought prior to behaving like a Neanderthal.

Alas, physicality in this age is reserved for drunken beer brawls and YouTube videos. Violence no longer has the respect for garnering change because it’s used much too frequently for matters that could be handled in other ways. Plus, we are a society of bigger is better, and so physical justice is usually no longer in proportion to the crime, but rather escalated to “I’ll kill you for scratching my car.”

Forgiveness requires acceptance and clearly you’re not ready for that. If you forgave her now it would be in words alone, and fake forgiveness breeds hidden contempt. So, don’t try to forgive her. Go ahead and wish a pox on her. Hope she gets what she deserves. And then go about your business. The milk will never be unspilled. There’s no reverse button. But you do get to be pissed off that the milk got spilt in the first place.

Look, fettered emotions are like caged animals. Sometimes they become ultra violent, and at the very least they are forever negatively impacted because of the experience. So let your anger be water that flows through you like the mighty Missi’sip. Don’t try to dam it up by holding too tightly the emotions of the past. But pretending it doesn’t exist won’t stop the river from carving its path into your earth. So let your anger run its course, and maybe one day soon the river will run dry and a new, calmer stream will take its place.                                                        

        

                                    

                  

                     

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