Pretty Little Liar

01/10/2011 13:57

I have got myself into a very unpleasant situation and I'm not sure where I stand now. At the beginning of the year I for a joke set up a fake facebook account, using a friend's friend's photos. She is a beautiful blonde girl, and within days many males were adding this account. At first, it was just harmless chatting and I then decided I knew it was immoral and wrong and as I am 20 myself and am attractive, so it wasn't for attention it was just new, exciting and something that I kept wanting to do. In a way, it was an escape. I began to talk to this guy a lot on there, he is very beautiful and we share a lot in common, although he believed he was talking to this fake persona I had stupidly created. Before I knew it, months past and I had allowed myself to completely fall for him. He made me incredibly happy, and I too made him extremely happy. I allowed myself to completely get caught up in this, and to keep it believable I had to set up some fake 'friends' on her facebook, so I was then pretending to be more than one girl at the same time... It disgusts me that I let myself do it, for pure selfish reasons as to talk to him. …I knew I had fallen in love with him. And likewise, while he is in his twenties, he had fallen in love with this person that I had created. We talked on the phone for hours and hours, and every time he suggested we were to go on a date I had to lie even more, make up an excuse, as I had fallen into this pretend scenario it was eating at me, I had created a horrible hurtful thing...He had completely fallen in love with her looks, and my brain and personality... I let myself care for him, talk through all his problems, how he was, anything, and the more I began to care for him the harder it got to find the confidence to tell him the truth as I couldn't bear to hurt him. He opened up to me about his whole life, often saying I was his soul mate, he had never loved someone as much as he loved me, although we were both aware it isn't a normal circumstance to meet. The longer this all went on for, the harder it got for me. I was so guilt ridden. …It's literally been 8 or 9 months now, and last week I decided as another 'date' was approaching…I decided to come clean. At first I think he handled it too well, asking me questions such as why I did it, then questioning who I really was and that although he fell in love with her visually, mentally he fell in love with me. I was so embarrassed and ashamed... He asked to see what I really looked like, so I sent him 2 photos, he told me I was very beautiful and that he thought we should still meet up. I couldn't agree to this as for all I know he could be furious at how I messed him around and I could be putting myself in a lot of danger by meeting up... in the evening he began to unload a ton of questions, questioning everything that I had ever said, which of course I fully understand, as I was answering, being completely honest, explaining that I was explicitly sorry, ashamed, embarrassed, I couldn't have apologized more. Although I was totally honest with him, he said he still didn't believe me... I feel incredibly scared that legally something can be done about this, that he can track me down somehow and hurt me. He only know my real first name, and my old phone number which I used to talk to him and has seen 2 photos. I decided it wasn't wise to keep talking now that I had come clean... I have since blocked him on my messenger, the old phone number has been diverted to voicemail only and I have deleted the FB profiles. 

I don't really know if I have done the right thing, or what might happen and I am way too ashamed to tell or talk to anybody, friends or family, about this. No one would understand as it's completely out of character for me. And it scares me how I did such an insane thing, keeping it a secret. I just don't really know where to go from here, I think that the wisest thing to do is to leave it as it is. No communication about it all, as much as I miss him, as much as I know he misses me, misses who he thought I was. I just am unsure what could happen? I also have begun to feel like maybe I shouldn't have come clean, and just left it the last time we argued and left him unknown. I really don't know, I just needed something to vent this to. 

I appreciate anyone taking the time to read this, and any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- Chloe

 What Mary Says...  What Crystal Says...

Dear Chloe:

It feels good to pretend, doesn't it? It goes back to when we were children and we'd imagine we were a princess married to a hot, hung prince and living in a 30,000 square foot Tudor, floating around in a diaphanous dress and carrying a pewter goblet filled with chardonnay while speaking in an affected accent and bossing around the help. Oh my goodness. I'm sorry. That's my daydream right now.

Anyway. While you didn't "fully" pretend you are someone you aren't, you were still hiding behind a blond facade; I can't blame you. I'm sure my partner will give you the real reason why you felt you had to pretend. I'll just say this: move on from the guy. What you built with him was a fantasy. It's easy to imagine you're in love when everything is sunshine and you haven't experienced anything real life-y yet (such as, "did you take out the garbage?" or "what do you mean we have to go see your mother this weekend?" or "you didn't pay the phone bill and you instead bought a water fountain for the cat? wtf?").

You had a great learning experience and I know it hurts, but it's best to let this go and move on. And next time, be yourself, huh? Sheesh.

(Hey, with your active imagination you should look into writing romance novels.)
































Dear Chloe:

Let me get this straight. You think he’s God incarnate when he thinks you’re this other girl. Then he sees the real you, says he still wants to meet, and suddenly you’re afraid for your life? You expressed your love to a man you never met – deemed yourselves soul mates – but now somehow you figure he could be the next Manson? 

Sweetheart, you’re a mess. I’ll avoid the lecture on the debacle of creating fake accounts – you seem to be rightfully beating yourself up enough over that travesty. But I can’t ignore why you did it. I mean, you went and got a real life Sim. Whether or not you realize it was a mistake now doesn’t matter – what matters is you wanted to in the first place. You said it yourself, it was a great escape. But what are you escaping from? Is life that boring that you had to develop another persona to make it interesting? Are you not enough for you?

What’s worse, you’re likely projecting your dislike for yourself onto this guy. Here he is, maybe a great guy…he says he wants to meet you even after you totally lied, and then you slam the door shut.  THEN you slam it shut. How bizarro is that?! Sure, maybe he would’ve chopped you to pieces once he met you, but maybe not. Funny though that you only thought of his homicide tendencies after he agreed to meet the real you.

Honestly, you have no business being in an intimate relationship, fake or otherwise. Not yet. The fact that you deceived someone you claimed you loved for almost a full year is…well honey, that ain’t love. For starters, you can’t build love on a lie. You bought a pair of new jeans after your husband said no more shopping – now THAT’S a lie you can still love under. Hey, I’m not REALLY the person I say I am?  That’s not love. That’s a cry for help.

This isn’t about him. It’s about YOU. You need to figure out who YOU are before you try adding another person to the mix. Whether or not you want to admit it, you’re hiding from yourself. This whole Facebook thing was you trying on a new persona, and it was all rainbows and unicorns while you were allowed to play at a new you. But when it came down to having to be in your own body, be the real you, as a trade-off for maybe building something real, you ran like wildfire. Until you can come to love the girl in the mirror you will just keep running from relationship to relationship, pulling out a new Sim, trying to be someone you’re not. And you will never find love that way. Not ever.











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