My Little Phony

09/28/2011 11:56

Hello SE, I have a problem... Other than the fact that I am a 15 year old girl.... See, I was dating this guy for literally almost six months, he goes to my school, lives in my town... And he dumped me for the main reason anyone would really date me (And for his ex); I'm quirky. I wear pajama pants to school, don't care what people say about me, I wear my socks over my skinny jeans, and I have wore a tutu a few times. The problem is, I'm dating a new guy, have been for a little over three months, and I still get frustrated about why the old guy dumped me. I mean, seriously. He told me that it was too "stressful" to be with me, because people would talk about me to him, and when he would tell me, I would say "I don't care", because I really didn't care what they said about me, I'm an individual, and he dumped me for his ex.

Well, recently I have taken to making the funniest faces when I walk behind him or when he is near and has his back to me, and all of them involve me sticking my tongue out. When he says something to me about it, I just retort with "Bellybutton licker", because when me and him were dating, he had a thing for licking my bellybutton. Gross, right? Anyway, I realized I still had a thing for him a while back, (He dumped me for his ex) and have pushed it into the back of my mind. I hate him for what he did to me (And because he dumped me for his EX). Not only did he try to make me change, but he broke my heart as well. Did I mention he dumped me for his ex?

Anyway, in my new relationship (the three month one) me and my boyfriend don't really see each other that often. Recently, I've only seen him once every week or so, and a few days at a time, we will go without talking. It breaks my heart even more to not be able to see him, I love him so much. I feel safe when he holds me, and it feels like I've gone to heaven when me and him kiss, but that's beyond the point. What do I do? Gas prices have skyrocketed, and since neither I nor him have a drivers license or a car, we have to rely on our parents, and my mom is sick of always being the one that makes it possible for us to be near each other.

My current boyfriend has also pushed me out of the way for another thing. That's right, people... He pushed me out of the way for ponies. PONIES. Not just any ponies though, the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic ponies. And not just any pony on that show either, Twilight Sparkle. He has a mug with her on it. He has a figurine of her on his computer. Wanna know what his background on his computer and his phone is? TWILIGHT FUCKING SPARKLE. It makes me so mad that he pushes me out of the way for a MAKEBELIEVE character. One that isn't even human at that! What the hell is wrong with him? Am I not good enough for him, SE? Am I not enough of a woman to get his attention? Am I not worth his time and heart? Am I not important enough that he has to push me away for a PONY?

What should I do, SE? I'm so stressed. I cry myself to sleep, I bite my nails, I pull my hair, I try to listen to music to block it out, but I just can't... I can't block out the hole in my heart... All he's worried about is when the next episode of MLP: FIM will be coming out on youtube... I hate it, but I love him... – Melancholy MewMew

 What Mary Says...

 What Crystal Says...

Dear Melancholy:

I don’t care about pajamas or even a tutu, but please don’t ever wear your socks over skinny jeans. We did this in the 80s and thought we were cool. We were wrong. It was not cool. It will never be cool.

OK, now that we have that straight I must say I really couldn’t get too deep into this email because you used the phrase, and as I type this I have the willies, “bellybutton licker.”

I have a huge bellybutton phobia. They gross me out. I can’t stand the thought of touching one or having mine touched. I don’t even want to see one.

No one should ever lick your bellybutton. You know the place people clean the least? Their goddamn bellybuttons.


So, MewMew, I am going to leave the rest of your problem in my cohort’s capable hands.                                              

















Dear Melancholy:

Wait. So did he dump you for his ex?

Sweetie, your email made me dizzy.  And I gotta tell you, if I had that much trouble trying to follow along just looking at this small window into your life, I can’t even imagine what you’re trying to keep straight on a day to day basis.

I mean, there are just so many things here. If you are so in love with your current boyfriend, who CARES about your ex? Or your ex’s ex for that matter. If 3-month-Johnny is so damn sweet, then your first sentence should have started with paragraph 3. THREE, my dear. And if you were “just” looking for closure…well, taunting him and making faces? That’s just about the equivalent of pulling his pigtails on the playground. And if you dig HIM, then who gives two flying f-s about pony boy? Let him and Twilight Sparkle have glitter babies for all it matters. But see. That’s my point. We’ve gone around in circles already. It is painfully clear YOU don’t even know what you want. So then, how could you expect either of these two fellas to get it either?

Look honey. You gotta get your shit in line. This ranting, this pulling your hair…This insistence that you’re in love with some dude who picked a plastic doll over you…I mean. Come ON. Pull it together.  Because if you can’t write a question about your problem that isn’t 6 paragraphs long and jumps between bellybutton licking, to tutus, to My Little Pony, then you’re much too fragmented to do anything but keep attracting more foolishness. You want off this crazy train? Stop being the conductor. Go be that individual, “I don’t care what people think” that you claim you are. Because THAT girl? Why, I doubt she’d fall to pieces just because some dude didn’t get her style.   




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