I'm "Just" a Girl

06/15/2009 09:30

How do you deal with a boyfriend, who you are more in love with than you've ever been with anyone else,  who wants to get a sex change operation but you're not attracted to women? -- Krykit


 What Mary Says...  What Crystal Says...

Dear Krykit:
I think it's great that he trusts you enough to reveal this to you. You must have a special relationship.
This is a tough one to answer. I was wondering how I would feel if my husband came home and said he decided he wanted to be a woman. I'd be devastated at first. I love him to death, but I don't like vag. And, also, the thought of seeing him in makeup makes me feel funny in the tummy.
Is this a new thing or something he's been thinking about for a while? I highly recommend counseling for him, since if he does want to become a woman he'll have to live like one for (I think) at least a year before he's considered for surgery. Also, I suggest couples' counseling for both of you because this has to be a complete shock for you and it's something you'll have to adjust to and learn to accept, while still being in love with him as a man and if you want to continue when he's a woman.
It sounds as if you have a good relationship with him so I'd also open up the communication. Sit down and have a serious talk and see what's behind this. 

Good luck, Krykit. Let us know what happens.







Dear Krykit:

Here’s the thing about love. It’s unconditional. If your mate wants a sex change, love dictates you should be supportive and caring. Having a sex change is not a fly-by-night request. Most places require at least a year of gender counseling before reassignment is considered. So if you’re male is really hoping to become female (and not just saying it to mess with you or as a way to break it off with you), it’s not a decision he’ll be taking lightly. And as such, it’s not a decision you should be trying to sway.

That said, supporting him during this time in his life doesn’t mean you need to maintain an intimate relationship with him. I’m reminded here of words by my mentor -ringing through my head like a gong:

Love is only half of a great relationship. The two of you also need to be a good match.

Clearly, if your boyfriend wants to be your girlfriend, and a good match for you does not include breasts, then you have every right to tap out of remaining intimate. It’s not for everyone, and just because Chaz Bono and her (soon to be his) girlfriend can make it work, that doesn’t mean it’s the right choice for you. But if you do decide that the two of you are still meant to be even after the change, then fly your happiness flag high knowing that a good match is a beautiful thing, no matter what form you find it in.                                                 






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