I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore

07/30/2009 14:48

I have fallen in love with this amazing guy but three problems:

1. He is older than me.

2. He doesn't notice me (but when he does he is always calling me babe and honey and stuff like that. Also when he does notice me he hugs me and everything.

3. He has a girlfriend.

I really don't know what to do because when his girlfriend is around he basically ignores me but when she's not he makes me feel on top of the world. But because of the age gap I know nothing would ever happen. I need to know if he feels the same way about me but I don't want to ask him. Is there any way I could tell by his body language or the way he talks to me? If so what are the ways? -- Chelz

 What Mary Says...  What Crystal Says...

Dear Chelz:

How many times have I had crushes like this? LOTS.

 Well, now I'm curious about how much of an age gap. Are you 18 and he's 54? Usually men champ at the bit to date a younger girl.

 I digress. When I first read this my first thought was that he thinks of you only as a friend, a "little sister," a pal. He also sounds gay. And from your description of his behavior it doesn't sound as though he is giving you the right signals to dive in. As Dumbledore said in the Half-Blood Prince, "Ah, the keen sting of love."

 When a guy likes you they pay very special attention to you. They'll find any excuse to be around you, they'll tease you, stare intently at your lips, laugh at anything you say (and try to make you laugh), think of dumb things to say just so you keep talking, stare at you when you're NOT looking, then quickly look away when you catch their eye....

 It's OK to be crushing on him, but if you start to look around I bet you'll find someone closer to your own age that just might be staring at you when you're not looking.                    



Dear Chelz:

A girl after my own heart.

Along with raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, analyzing non-verbal behavior is one of my most favorite things. However, the issue you’re up against is that, in the case of guys and love, consider them action figures. All do and no think.

When a guy likes a girl, it’s OBVIOUS. And I’m not talking, being nice sometimes and saying sweet things on occasion obvious. I mean trying to get you alone, talking to you every single chance he can get, in-your-face obvious.

So it sounds from your message like your guy likes you, but as a friend. It’s possible he even thinks you’re cute and maybe, if things were different (including the age issue), things could be otherwise. But he’s clearly made his choice, as evidenced by his devotion to his girlfriend when she’s nearby, and the best thing you can do now is move on. As a girl who has the smarts to accurately assess a situation and who sounds like a good catch (given his affection for you), finding a good match for you should not prove difficult.







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