His Junk Puts Me In a Funk

06/16/2010 10:58

I’m a teenage girl. I’m coming to the age where everyone starts having sex or semi-sex, and I’ve discovered something. I think guys are hot, but when they take off their pants it makes me want to cry, throw up and runaway all at the same time, but when I ask my friends, they say they like it. When I experimented with a girl, I liked it, but I want to like guys, and I do, I just don’t like their...junk..... I don’t know what to do, am I gay? -- Lily

 What Mary Says...  What Crystal Says...

Dear Lily:
I couldn't look at a peen without giggling until I was 20. In fact, I still sometimes giggle. That junk is funny, and kind of obscene if you think about it - especially in the morning. None of my friends lust after a fully naked man. We usually discuss how hot some guy would look while changing our oil or mopping our floor but he's usually shirtless wearing jeans.
I wouldn't freak out too much that you find a guy's junk something to run away from. As you get older I'm sure you'll enjoy the physical aspects of it, especially in a darkened room.
Are you gay? That's hard for me to say. As for experimenting with girls and liking it, there's nothing wrong with that. I finally just tried oysters, thought I'd hate them, but really enjoyed them. Does that make me an oyster fanatic? Nah.I can live without them, but every now and again they are good to have because they're so different.
























Dear Lily:

I tend toward vegetarianism. When I do eat meat, I usually pick chicken, and I normally don’t eat red meat or pig at all. The thought of eating one of those cute, awesome cows and oinkers makes me want to hurl. I’m adamantly against the concept of slaughter. And yet, I can’t deny that the money taste of a juicy steak is better than any salad out there. So every now and then I break protocol and go to town on some bovine. Does that mean I need to throw in the towel and stop ordering veggies? Switch over to red meat all the time? And what about my relationship with chicken? All in all, I’m not anything, because who I am is not defined by what I eat. Just as who you are can’t be defined by thinking junk is ugly and digging a dip in the same sex pool. Stop trying to box yourself in.

Look. Most people, both men and women, don’t think a dude’s junk is hot. It may be pleasurable from a PHYSICAL perspective, but it’s never going to be on the cover of Vogue. Look at all the art out there. The female form is relished for its beauty.  She has been naked and glorious - lounging by the pool, in a forest, with the gods - for centuries. The male form on the other hand is enjoyed for its strength. Naked men in art tend toward the Adonis type – these ripped, Grecian gods who are fit in every way. The fact that they’re manhood is showing is dwarfed by the rest of their physique, which is what makes them sexy. Don’t believe me? How many marble statues show a 300 pound heifer with a big schlong? Zero. Even The Thinker, a man praised for his abilities with his mind rather than with his physical prowess, was fit!

Hundreds of years have not changed us. With men, we’re attracted to ALL of them. Their face, physique, personality, strength… George Clooney is hot, but if he was constantly in the media crushing beer cans on his face or making poop jokes, would he still be deemed sexy?  Women on the other hand are deemed beautiful simply by their physique. Doesn’t matter how much of a bitch Meghan Fox reportedly is, she’s hot. Plain and simple.

So in the end, are you gay? Who knows? I’d say instead that you’ve just come around to what millions of people throughout the dawn of time have realized – boobs rock. Junk, well, it’s just that.






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