Beauty and the Beast

01/20/2011 09:22

My (ex) boyfriend Jared and I dated for around a year, and we were very close. I went out of town for a month and when I came back he dumped me. I had a super strong group of friends before we started dating, but when we were dating they slowly faded away, because they did not like Jared (he wasn't the nicest to my friends) but he was the sweetest to me.

He dumped me on the 2nd and I was pretty devastated. I didn't see it coming at all. Like I cried more then I can ever remember, and I was at school. Also I wasn't hungry, and couldn't sleep for two days. But it was really great because my friends came back stronger than ever. All of them offering a shoulder to cry on. We reconnected, and they all listened so well….They really have been helping me. But one of my besties said "I'm so glad you two aren't together, he wasn't nice to us and I don't think I can be your friend with him in the picture."
…However I still love Jared. But I do like having my friends back, because they are so sweet and we are having sleep over plans now, and I like to have this fun new single thing too.

Last night Jared talked to me and told me "I miss you so much, I only dumped you because I hadn't seen you for so long, and I forgot how great you are" "I still love you, and I know you still love me" I said I don't think we should date, because I still have trouble sleeping and I've been through so much grief. …He asked what I think about friends with benefits and I said I'm against it. But honestly I do miss being with him.

What should I do? I don't want to leave my friends and I really enjoy being able to talk to other guys. But I love Jared... he also asked if we should date in secret.  -- Caroline

 What Mary Says...  What Crystal Says...

Dear Caroline:

Do you know what’s weird about this? It sounds EXACTLY like my “first love” relationship. You know how it ended? With him trying to kill me and me going to the police to try to get a restraining order.

What probably happened was that while you were gone he found another girl to screw around with but then that fell through and he tried to hook back up with you. Does it hurt? Sure. I was devastated and even suicidal. I had no friends left because he removed me from every social circle I ever had and made sure I never talked to any boys.

His behavior is really setting off a lot of red flags – dating in secret? “I only dumped you because I haven’t seen you in so long.” What? A guy who is truly into you can’t wait for you to come back from the grocery store and loves you even when you have the stomach flu and yarked for the 37th time. He doesn’t dump you because he hasn’t seen you in 10 minutes. Ass.

I really hope for your sake that you listen to your friends and stay away from him. This is physical abuse waiting to happen. Lean on your friends right now and get stronger. Just don’t go back to him. He’s not worth your time. I promise. If you need immediate help call the National Domestic Hotline: 1−800−799−SAFE(7233).







Dear Caroline:

Let me be perfectly clear. Your ex-boyfriend is a schmuck. And most likely, he’s also a wife beater.

First off, any man who tells you he “forgot” how awesome you are doesn’t deserve to lick your vomit, let alone date you, especially secretly. A man who really loves you pines for you even when you can’t lose the 60 extra pounds of baby weight and get a weird rash on your foot.

Second, if a guy is rude to your friends all of the time, it’s usually because he’s trying to separate you from your life. This, oh by the way, is a CLASSIC move of someone who commits domestic violence. If you stay with this douche bag, you will most likely end up slapped, pushed, punched, or worse.

And finally, if he can’t even pretend to be nice to your friends - hell people in general, never mind because they are important to YOU and thus should be to him - than you can expect he’ll be surrounded by nothing but douche bags for his adulthood. You can expect your life with him to be marked by you cleaning up his empty beer cans and cigarette butts while him and his buddies go to strip clubs and get blowjobs by hookers.

See how your friends were there for you when he left? That means they love you, despite your poor judgment. Now I think it’s high time you pay them back by loving yourself enough not to lose them over someone so horrible again.

Run away from this guy, Caroline. If you have any love for yourself, run away. And don’t ever, ever look back.



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