Baby Blues

07/28/2009 15:21

I do not feel like sleeping with my fiancé anymore after I had my baby in December last year. I have not really even felt like I wanted to have sex at all. It’s not satisfying or fun or even really enjoyable at all. In fact, it makes me uncomfortable. And it’s not about my body because I am a fitness instructor and I am in better shape now than I was when we met. This is unusual - before I was pregnant I liked sex. Any advice here? -- Chauncey

 What Mary Says...  What Crystal Says...

Dear Chauncey:

Hi baby mama! I don't have kids, but I have friends who have kids and the first thing they tell me is that they're EXHAUSTED. And you may be going through a lot of hormonal changes after having your baby. So exhaustion + hormones = not in the mood for a romp.
 
It might be worth it to visit your family doctor or your gynecologist and speak to them about what is going on. They may put you on a low dosage of hormones to kick start your system. How is your fiancé reacting to all of this? With such big changes in both your lives, you may want talk to a counselor about your issues.                                

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Chauncey:

Is it your fiancé that is unappealing or the act itself? Because if steamy dreams with Robert Pattinson (or another guy you find hot) still make your muscles twitch, then you might have a psychological issue to traverse. If this is the case, couples counseling could help.

However, if the thought of any sex turns your stomach, we might be looking at something more physiological. For instance, you said sex makes you “uncomfortable.” Did you mean physically as in it causes you pain, or emotionally in that it just doesn’t feel right? If the former, you should know that sex after childbirth can be painful at times, usually due to a need for extra lubrication. If this is an issue for you, you might consider a bottle of KY for use during intimacy. If it’s the latter, and assuming that the only thing that’s getting you down is a general disinterest in getting down, your issue might just be what some call the “post-baby cool down.” This cool down is the loss of libido that happens to tons of women after giving birth. It’s often due to the hormones that drop off drastically like night temperatures in the Sahara, and/or by an overwhelming sensation that intimacy needs are already met. With your love and affection going toward your newborn, extending yourself to someone else just might be more than you can handle right now.

Now, a semi-red flag is that it’s been 7 months of this for you…which isn’t entirely unheard of but could be an indication of a bigger issue such as depression (and no, not all depression manifests itself through crying at Hallmark commercials and lying around in bed all day). If I were you, I would go to your general practitioner or even a therapist and have a candid chat about your libido issues. There are no quick fixes to a loss in sex drive, and you may have to do a little more than just wait to get over your hump to get on his!

 

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