Are You Lonesome Tonight?

08/12/2010 10:34

My boyfriend is used to being alone. He's been single for several years before he and I started dating. When we first started dating, things were great, but several months we just started seeing less and less of each other. Work and school seems to be getting in the way. He says that he loves me, misses me and wants to spend more time together when classes are over. At first, I believed him, but now I'm not so sure anymore. Should I just take this as his way of saying, "I'm just not that into you" and move on? -- Lonely with a Boyfriend 

 What Mary Says...  What Crystal Says...

Dear Lonely:

He sounds kind of like a serial killer: single for a long time, a loner ….

Anyway, things are always wonderful in the beginning. Your heart swells like a puffy satin Valentine when you see him, you can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you’re consumed by that fire. However, as time goes on and the façade starts to chip away you see people as they really are and they start to show their true colors. Simply put, if he wanted to spend time with you he would make the time; he’s not trying too hard, is he? Most likely he’s gotten bored with you or he’s trying to find small animals to kill. Move on.         

















Dear Lonely:

I have a somewhat healthy obsession to video games, and last December there was a new one coming out that I basically stalked.  I spent the month of November looking up reviews and watching trailers online, and when I finally got it there was joy…rapture. I played that damn thing every chance I could get for like, 3 weeks straight. Eventually though, I found myself ceding my obsession to other things that I had neglected over the previous weeks.  I played less, not because I didn’t still love the game, but because life happens whether we want it to or not. And sometimes, we can’t always spend time enjoying the things we really want to.  

Now, obviously, a relationship is much more intense and meaningful than a video game. However, the truth still stands. Life simply gets in the way sometimes. Is it possible that you’re boyfriend is slowly becoming disengaged? Maybe. But I think maybe he’s just really friggin’ busy.

I wouldn’t write this one off. Instead, look for a hobby that helps occupy your time. For instance, where are your friends? Your interests? Why not spend a little “you” time while your boyfriend gets busy on some “him” time. Because knowing that you’re there for him while he focuses on his future is an essential part of a loving relationship. And having a girlfriend who knows how to spend time focusing on her own future is priceless.                                        





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