A Cock In a Hen House

06/23/2009 10:17

Ok. So I have been seeing this girl for about 2 weeks but she was gay. She really likes me but I feel as if this is some kind of test for her to see what she wants. I really like her but I don’t want to get hurt. How do I find out what she really wants -- Bruce

 

 What Mary Says...  What Crystal Says...

Dear Bruce:

"How do I find out what she really wants?" Oh boy. I'm a woman and I don't even know what I really want half the time.
 
Let me get this straight: you like this girl, but she's gay. Or "was" gay.
 
If she's truly gay she's probably not going to be keen on your peen. Why do you want to be her test-to-see-if-I-like-men? What if you sleep with her once and she's like, "Wow, I really DON'T like men." How is that going to make you feel? The girl's got issues and you'd have to be prepared for it to go in either direction: she likes you, she doesn't like you. What if she likes you now but a year from now she decides she'd rather be with a girl again? You prepared for that? I don't know about you, but life and relationships are hard enough without being in a constant state of flux. I'd give yourself a hug and tell yourself that you don't need to put yourself through it.

 

 

 

 

 

  

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                 

  

 

 

 

Dear Bruce:

When you say gay, do you mean like Anne Heche gay or Rosie O’Donnell gay? Because trust me, it makes a big difference.

Biologically speaking, some studies have shown (though the issue is still hotly debated) that certain parts of a female brain more closely resemble a man’s brain in those women who identify themselves as a lesbian (and vice versa). However, this is not necessarily true for females who self-identify as bisexual. And if your friend is honestly physically attracted to you, a male, I might tend to put her in the latter category. See, there are some male qualities that a true lesbian brain just isn’t going to be attracted to. For instance, to admittedly use a very stereotypical example, at the end of an unresolved fight, do you, a) feel emotionally and physically spent, find your partner less attractive, and have the need to discuss your feelings both on the issue at hand and how the actual fight made you feel, or b) turn on the t.v. and/or want to have sex. The point is, women and men think differently. And if your woman is wired to be gay, there’s a strong possibility that it won’t work out simply because you end up with two too similar minds. 

That said, sexual attraction is a very nebulous issue. There is a plethora of factors that go into determining someone’s attraction to another person, and it’s hard to really say why anybody falls for anybody. Short of the brain chemistry and hormones, there are psychoanalytical factors, such as resemblance of a primary care giver, emotional needs, subliminal season triggers, plain old sex drive, and so on.

So what I’m trying to say is, stop trying to figure out if she’s with you because she wants to or if she’s just testing the waters. Instead, focus your time on figuring out what both she and you need to build a successful relationship and whether the other person is capable of giving it. You might you’re simply in an incompatible situation, or you might find you’re a perfect match. 

      

 

                  

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